mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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