Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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