Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
