How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
