Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
