I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
