Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
