My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
