he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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