rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
