I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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