Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
