Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
