so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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