You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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