It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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