We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
