she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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