remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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