I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
