I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
