my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
