I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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