Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
