I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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