Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize