Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize