bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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