If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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