I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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