How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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