You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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