I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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