I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
