Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
