The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize