Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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