Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
