i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
