Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
