in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
