laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
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Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My penis needs a shock collar
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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