it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
