oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
