it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
