More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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