Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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