My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
