I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
