I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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