i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
