I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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