I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
