I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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