I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
