Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Slut skills are useful in every country.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
