i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
