He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
