ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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