True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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