Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
