What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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