So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
