Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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