Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
