just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
