Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
