btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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