dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize