So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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