the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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