rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
