I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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