Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
