At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
