if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
