John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
