I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
