I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
