and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
