I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We need to rekindle our bromance
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
