i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You were trust falling into bushes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
