Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She bit a glass in half.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
