Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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