Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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